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Strangers Becoming Friends

A New Life Ministries Report
by Steve Clapp and Kristen Leverton Helbert

This report is based on extensive research done by New Life Ministries and Christian Community.

Most members think of their church as friendly, but there are significant differences in churches which are growing and those which are not. For example:

In a study of churches across North America, 85% of the church members surveyed agreed with this statement: "In our congregation, people go out of their way to be friendly to strangers and new-comers." In growing churches, however, 98% agreed with that statement.

In the same study, people were asked to indicate agreement with a more personal statement: "At church, I take the initiative to talk with those I do not know well." The level of agreement dropped to 68% among all people who participated but only dropped to 92% in growing congregations. In rapidly declining churches, the level of agreement with this statement was sometimes below 50%. Think what it would be like to visit a church in which half of those present were not willing to take the initiative to talk with you!

There is a pervasive loneliness and fear which affects most people in contemporary society. We lock the doors to our cars, homes, businesses, and churches. News media reports have made us so aware of crime that we often view strangers with suspicion. Hospitality, however, is commanded by both the Old and the New Testaments; and we are reminded that the strangers we entertain may be angels (Hebrews 13:2).

Hospitality is not just another program for evangelism and church growth. It is a fundamental part of the identity of the church. When we practice true hospitality, our lives are enriched; and our congregations can grow.

Extending Hospitality to Visitors

	Greeters and ushers are the front-line of hospitality for the congregation. They are the persons most likely to have the initial encounters with visitors, and they also play a major role in creating the atmosphere experienced by all the members of the church. Provide training for these people. The First Thirty Seconds by S. Joan Hershey is a great resource.
	But hospitality is the responsibility of the entire congregation, not just the greeters, ushers, and staff. Consider doing a church-wide study on hospitality using Widening the Welcome of Your Church or Hospitality: Life without Fear, both by Fred Bernhard and Steve Clapp.
	Visitors generally appreciate name tags for themselves and for the members of the church. Name tags make it easier to remember names and help awkwardness over names not being heard correctly the first time shared. Remember that you as a member only have the name of one new person to learn; the visitor has dozens or hundreds of names to eventually learn if he or she joins the church.
	Visitors appreciate arrangements which make it easy for them to know how to find the church, where to park, where to enter the church, and where to find things in the church. Clear signs to the church, clearly–marked parking, clearly–marked entrances, and clearly–posted signs and directions inside the church help. Some churches have parking places close to the main entrance reserved for visitors as a way of showing that visitors are honored guests.
	First-time visitors appreciate a brief visit to their home within the first 48 hours following their attendance at worship or another church event. Bringing a plate of cookies, a loaf of bread, a flower, or a plant with words of appreciation for their attendance sends a strong message of welcome! Most churches know these visits are helpful, but few churches actually do them. You can make a difference!

Resources

To learn more about the role of greeters and ushers, order The First Thirty Seconds: A Guide to Hospitality for Greeters and Ushers by S. Joan Hershey.

For a congregation-wide study of biblical hospitality, use Widening the Welcome of Your Church by Fred Bernhard and Steve Clapp.

Steve and Fred have a brand new book called Hospitality: Life without Fear which looks at the role hospitality plays in a society which increasingly is governed by fear and loneliness; this is a book that can change the way you look at your faith and your life. These resources are available from New Life Ministries.

See other online resources on hospitality.

To order one of these resources, go to the online order form or contact New Life Ministries.

____________________

This report is published by New Life Ministries, a nonprofit corporation, and is mailed without charge to clients and friends Our partner organization, Christian Community, provides much of the content for this publication. Persons receiving this publication may reproduce the contents in local church and regional judicatory bulletins and newsletters. Please request permission for other reproduction from:

New Life Ministries, 6404 S Calhoun St, Fort Wayne, IN 46807
Phone: 1-800-774-3360 • E-mail: NLMServiceCenter@aol.com
Internet: www.NewLifeMinistries-NLM.org

Other New Life Ministries Reports • Other Online Resources

Bulletin Insert: The following material is provided as a bulletin insert. Feel free to copy it for use in your congregation or download a Microsoft Word file to print and copy.

Strangers Becoming Friends!

Our best friends were once strangers to us. Our society cautions us to be fearful of strangers, but the New Testament teaches a different approach:

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it. Hebrews 13:2

Hospitality to the stranger is assumed throughout the Old and New Testament Scriptures. Again and again, as in the Parable of the Good Samaritan, the questioning is not on the worthiness of the stranger but on the faithfulness of the one encountering the stranger. The Samaritan did not ask of the man who was injured: "Did you bring this on yourself? Why weren’t you traveling with someone else for safety?" The Samaritan simply responded to the human need which was encountered. The priest and the Levite who passed by are the ones whose behavior is called into question by our Lord.

Whether we start with the assumption that the unknown person will be an enemy or a friend makes a difference! When anyone comes to our church or shows an interest in religious concerns, our starting assumption certainly should be that such a person shares with us a pull toward the heart of God. Such a person is a potential friend, perhaps sent to us by God for the enrichment of our lives.

Think how your view of the new person in your neighborhood, your office, or the church would be transformed by this starting assumption:

This is a person sent by God who may be a great blessing to my life, or this is a person sent by God in order for me to be a blessing to his or her life.

What visitors appreciate when they attend your church

1. When visiting a church, most people don’t want to be ignored. People expect those who are sitting near them to share brief introductions before or after the service or Sunday school class.

2. When visiting a church, almost no one wants to be overwhelmed. Introduce the new person to a few other people–not to every single person around you.

3. People especially do not want to feel ignored during a designated fellowship time. If they go to a gathering spot for coffee and donuts, they assume that some people will visit with them. They will feel rejected if church members are all in tight groups with people they already know.

4. People don’t want to feel as though they are being required to pass an acceptance test. Most will feel resentful of conversations which make it appear that someone is attempting to do research on family background and church activity. Churches with a strong ethnic membership sometimes act as though those people who have last names that sound a certain way are more acceptable than others. Communicate a clear affirmation of the visitor.

5. Some people are anxious about how others will respond to certain aspects of their background. A person may be divorced, a single parent who has never married, unemployed, an alcoholic, or an ex-convict. We do not want in an initial conversation to push someone to fill in the gaps in his or her history. It’s better to let the other person share information as he or she wishes.

6. Parents are always pleased when people show interest in their children.

7. People almost universally appreciate an invitation to share a meal either that day or at a mutually agreeable date later in the week.

8. People appreciate being remembered with a phone call the week following their visit. It feels good to know that someone remembered you and took the time to call and reinforce how good it was to have you present. That can be an opportunity to extend an invitation to a meal or a Sunday school class.

9. People appreciate returning the following week and finding that people to whom they were introduced remember them and are delighted to see them again.

10. Visitors may need more assistance from the pastor, greeters, and ushers than regular attenders do. Be respectful of the need for those persons to give priority to the needs of visitors.

This bulletin insert is provided without charge by New Life Ministries. For more information, call 1-800-774-3360. For additional resources, visit http://www.NewLifeMinistries-NLM.org.

Strangers Becoming Friends

Extending Hospitality to Visitors

Resources

Strangers Becoming Friends!

What visitors appreciate when they attend your church

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