People Spots
Online
Produced by James W.
Moss, Sr., and Church Consultants
Provided as a service by New Life Ministries
People Skills: So Necessary, So Scarce
Pastors can help or hinder their ministry based on how they treat people.
by James W. Moss, Sr.
A person was training to be a teller at a bank. The trainer asked, "What is the most difficult aspect of this job?" The trainee responded, "Counting money." That person never made it through the training because it is difficult to be a bank teller if you have trouble counting money.
A pastor commented, "Ministry would be a great job if it wasn’t for the people." I then realized that pastor wasn’t kidding. Without people the church doesn’t exist. People are indispensable to the life of the church. There was a time I thought good preaching skills were the most important asset to a pastor. Frankly, I have known pastors who were excellent preachers. They possessed poor people skills and their ministry suffered in spite of their gift for preaching. I have also known some people who were very average or less in the pulpit. They have good people skills and have been very successful in ministry.
I have been a local conference staff person for over 20 years. Many times I have been asked, "What causes pastors the most trouble?" I don’t even have to think twice about an answer. Poor people skills cause pastors more trouble than any other single issue. Many ministries have run aground on the shoals of poor people skills.
Jesus gave us this firm instruction in Matthew 7:12: "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." This has been called simply the "golden rule." To follow this simple instruction will save tons of trouble down the road. Even when someone treats you poorly, treat that person as you want to be treated.
The writer of Proverbs in 3:3-4 writes:, "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man." This sounds remarkably like our Lord who "grew in favor with God and man."
Again the writer of Proverbs in 15:1-4 write, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit." Good people skills do not dictate that you agree with the person. It simply means you treat them nicely while you disagree with them. Many people respect that.
In this issue I am raising the importance of people skills. I also recognize that using good people skills can be difficult. Our old nature frequently takes over when we should be listening to the new nature that comes with conversion.
Adequate use of good people skills requires flexibility. We have to be willing to adjust our own agendas in order that we might treat others nicely. We may not always get our way or have our day unfold as we desire. There has to be a willingness to make adjustments to the schedule without bashing those around us. My thesaurus lists the following words as synonyms for flexibility: ability to bend, pliability, elasticity, and extendibility among others. All of these are required for good people skills.
Good people skills require leaders to listen. Again let me emphasize that listening and agreement are not the same thing. You can listen to a person very carefully and not agree with them. Many times people only want to have someone listen to them. To be heard frequently satisfies many. They will generally understand if you don’t agree as long as you can give evidence you have listened. Genuine listening is essential to good people skills.
Good people skills require leaders to handle emotions without anger. I was a very young pastor. Something happened at the church that I didn’t like. I threw a temper tantrum. In the midst of that it became apparent to me that if I was to survive in ministry, I was going to have to control my temper. Anger does energize. But outbursts of anger frequently do damage to those around us. I understand Jesus was angry when he chased the moneychangers from the temple. But that was not a leadership style he employed regularly. Frequent outbursts of anger will destroy your capacity to lead.
Good people skills require leaders to treat people with respect. Jesus understood this when he gave us the "golden rule." Each human being is a creature made by God. As such they deserve to be treated with respect. Even those who misbehave are to be treated kindly. We are not to return evil for evil.
A pastor must love the people he/she serves. This instruction is absolutely critical. You can’t pastor people you do not love. The people won’t permit it. You may preach to them but you can’t pastor them. There is a difference. You can’t fool the people on this issue. The people know their pastor very well. They know if the pastor and spouse have had words before the service. They know if the pastor doesn’t feel well. They know if something at the church is upsetting the pastor. They surely know whether you love them or not. Pastor’s who love their people will seek to use good people skills to build solid relationships with them.
A Good Book: Mary Kay Ash, Mary Kay on People Management (New York: Warner Books, 1984). This is an old book and out of print. Some libraries may have it. It is still among the best books I have read on people skills.
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Read about Jim's seminars and books.
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January 7, 1999. Volume 2, Issue 1.
People Spots Online is prepared by James W. Moss, Sr., and Church Consultants. It is provided as a service by New Life Ministries, www.NewLifeMinistries-NLM.org. Articles may be duplicated and reproduced in any way. A new article is produced about every two weeks. To be added to a list to receive these messages directly by e-mail, send a request to churchconsultants@yahoo.com.